Urghn... There's something that's been bugging me for quite a while now and it's just getting worse and worse everday. Namely:

I has no goal nor dreams nor wishes nor anything I want to achieve.

T__T. Obviously I don't expect to have some noble special meaningful goal like in the drama's and such, but this has kindof made me realize that I really don't have any specific interests. At all. I'm just... boring me. It's bugging me because I really have no clue what I'm going to study next year. It's... all somehow important for my future.

Mommah thinks it's best for me to pick eight hours of maths a week, while I originally planned to go for six hours. If I take six, however, I probably won't be able to pass the maths exams I need to take to study Engineering in university. If I'd ever want that, because I currently have no clue what I want at all. But honestly, eight hours a week? It's really a lot and hard and I'm not sure if I can handle it. My interest towards maths isn't really that big.

So. that brings me to the following hugetastic problem. What the hell do I want to do after I graduate in ... a bit less than three years? Iono. But it's important for my choice for next year, though there's no point in picking anything other than six or eight hours of maths. To play safe.

I've always played safe. Always picked a steady studying direction with a lot of maths and science and everything so I'd have a broad choice when going to universtiy to study something that gives me a safe and stable job that pays well. It's what my parents want me to do, too.  I guess it's the best... right? I mean... I am the clumsiest girl on earth so I'd make a rotten housewife anyway.

But... I've always secretly wanted to do something creative I guess. I know I can draw and I can act. And I used to be able to write well for my age, but then again, back then it wasn't that hard. I'm not sure if there's any talent there, but I'm pretty sure it's not as bad as my singing x3. So anyway, I've always wanted to do something creative, but I know I don't have the perseverance to do anything risky like that. I don't really have the talent needed either. So I guess all of that will just remain hobbies.

Except for acting, since that isn't really a hobby of mine in the first place. It's just that I realized I kindof 'act' a lot each day. So yeah, I can lie with a straight face now x3. If it's nothing big anyway. But... it's kindof depresing to know I'll turn into one of those black / grey suited people <<. (okay I'm exaggerating a bit. I'm pretty sure clothing rules won't be THAT strict... right?)

So anyway. It's kindof depressing. Maybe I should try to take something slightly creative after all because I can't imagine myself doing anything like that... but then again it might run in the family. Oh god maybe I'm doomed just like that. I wonder if I should vow to myself that I'll never ever work in a bank. It's... just too stereotypical somehow in my mind. Ungh but what if I really end up like that.

*facepalm*. I'm on the verge of becoming very very very very very very very very very very boring and grey and I do not want that.  

Posted on 10 Nov 2008 by Daisy ,, 2 Comment(s)